Originally from India my family has always had a big emphasis on houses, property etc. To make it more clear Indians like my family for instance believe that a lifetime of hard work and saving is to buy a nice home and property back in their native place. Obviously this is on top of the inheritance of the ancestral home that they get. The ancestral homes of course being decades old and sometimes need a lot of renovations done. But to imagine our great grandparents built such a huge house saving every penny they earned through sheer hard work is so admirable.
So after all the years of wear and tear, you’d expect that by now it would need some work. That’s just life. Without maintenance, things don’t stay perfect forever.
But what about when the house was first built? Can you imagine the architect standing on the plot, looking around, with a vision in his mind of what he was about to create. He works hours and hours and hours to design his vision with precision. He rolls out the blueprints on the table and with his pencil and eraser, he sketches and erases, and then sketches again and again. He has to get the house “square”, he has to place the doors and windows just so, and the support beams need to be in exactly the right places. And even beyond the mechanics of it, there is a certain feel, an ambiance, that he is striving to create. So he continues to work…and work…taking that feeling from a 2-D idea all the way to a 3-dimensional realistic structure. He buries himself in the task of creating a place where a family can live. Forever if they take good care of it.
How much more complicated are human relationships than one dumb stick-built house? How much harder is it to get our relationships “square”? Putting all the support beams in just the right place, creating a “feeling” and a structure that is safe and secure?
The thing is, building a house is similar to building a relationship. Much more complicated, but still the the same. Relationships, like houses, require the right “blueprint”. A foundation upon which to begin laying the stones. The blueprints we have for these relationships come from our experiences in our lives. For instance my mom has always held me when I needed support but never hesitated to be stoic and a strict disciplinarian. My dad has always been protective of us but yet gave us solid advice when needed. These are the foundations upon which parents begin to lay their parenting stones with us, their children. Think back to your past relationships. What kind of “blueprints” have you been given? What kind of foundation did they lay for you to build on?
For many of us, looking back at our blueprints is confusing. It’s confusing to be asked to build something that you don’t have the blueprints for. Often kids misinterpret these blueprints. They confuse the love and discipline that parents give us to being harsh and cruel.
We all need to understand that parents are the only people in this world who will give us the experience of unconditional acceptance and the safety to express ourselves. It is only when we understand these blueprints, that we are finally able to pass that on to our own kids.
I have to say, I’m only alive today because my parents loved me. And not because they had to. But just because they chose to. I thank them for that.
"When we heal our relationship with our parents, we are healing a deep part of ourselves, and this will enhance all our relationships"
There is an ancient saying in the Hindu tradition that unless we receive the blessing of our parents, we cannot progress on our spiritual path. This saying may conjure images of an elderly parent dressed in long flowing robes laying their hand upon their child and blessing their journey. Few of us will ever receive this type of blessing, yet there is much wisdom in that saying that applies to us today.
Rather than waiting for something to come from our parents, we receive their blessing when we come to an inner peace about why we were born to them and the lessons and gifts that come from that experience. To truly progress on our spiritual journey we must attain this inner peace about our mother and father. This peace will give us more motivation in our lives, allow our relationships with others to deepen, strengthen us as parents, enhance our career and bring more energy and health to our personal lives. Coming to this inner peace is not often easy, but is so worth the inner effort.
Every year when my parents go back to India they ensure they contribute to charity. Now my family has an opinion that rather than give money away and risk it being squandered to actually do a good deed for the unfortunate. I remember as a young kid listening to my parents discussing what would be the best way to embark on such a noble deed. Many options came up like providing clothing and food for orphans, taking part in a community service etc. But what they finally decided was the best of them all - taking care of elderly people who have been dumped at nursing homes by their children. My maternal grandmother passed away when I was young. I remember her well but my mom always tell me how great and loving she was and hold she sacrificed so much for her family. My mom especially felt a deep sense of sorrow for those parents who probably led grand lives taking great care of their children and providing their every need to be just dumped at a nursing home.
Some people hold grudges if their parent spanks them or disciplines them in any way. I think that sometimes a parent has to do that to make a child understand right from wrong. Kids have to understand and move on and make peace with it. The peace comes from understanding the spiritual lessons and gifts and that come from having a parent that took such measure to ensure the child grows up to be responsible, loving adult.
Most of us have grown up learning the Ten Commandments. I'm sure we have all heard, "Honor Thy Father and Mother." I feel that the deeper meaning is that we are to honor the soul essence of our father and mother, and the spiritual gift and lesson that is ours to learn by being their child. This is deep and worthwhile work on oneself. A mature way of living is to learn the lesson from having been with our parents and then make that gift part of our strength and motivation as a person. In this way we are truly set free to become the person we want to be.
So this Mother's Day or Father's Day when you are sending off that card, or any other time, try to understand the lessons and resulting spiritual gifts from having this person as your parent. Feel the ways your relationship with your father and mother have strengthened you and caused you to grow spiritually. In this way you will be receiving the blessing of your parent.
So love your parents unconditionally and see the difference in your life........
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