With valentines day just over 4 days ago I thought of an interesting subject to write about. I was out for dinner with some friends and the whole topic of valentines day being a cliche about celebrating love and how couples should actually express themselves on any day rather than reserve one day a year for it...........Being the only woman in the group considered to give non gender biased opinions of course I was turned to for my take on this. This of course opened up a whole can of worms and a volley of questions which led me to write about it......
So is valentines day a big cliche? If you ask me it can be.........It would depend on using the creative side of your brain to come up with ways for it not to be......
4) Don't ignore the day
I've had couples say to me "oh I don't believe in valentines day, its so over-rated"........Men for starters; you could feel its some kind of big cliche and ignore the day completely but all you've done is turned into a different kind of cliché. Even if lots of girls say that they hate Valentine's Day. Very few mean it. Maybe she will actually say, "Nah... it's no big deal, its actually to test if you would go ahead and do something anyways......so if you want to still carry on dating ignore her statement completely!
5) The gift
Now as I mentioned before a lack of specificity is the cliche of cliches - Chocolates, roses, hearts--these are cliché because they're overly generic, they speak to Every Girl, not your girl. Get her a gift, and think about something that speaks to her. Pretend, for a second, that it's not Valentine's Day but instead her birthday. What do you get her? Go with that, and then cupid-it-up with fancy wrapping paper and shit.
You cannot--cannot--just get her flowers and a box of chocolates. This will turn you into a cheeseball. If she is lactose intolerant, she will vomit and quite probably die. If your girl likes flowers use them to accentuate another gift. If you are stuck on ideas to what get her, why not get her tickets to something. Not necessarily tickets for something on Valentine's Day itself--again, overpriced, overcrowded, overflowing with gooey couples--but tickets for some night in the future. Its intimate and could be something for couples so both of you could go together - like a nice spa date, or VIP tickets to a concert that you know she has been dying to go to.
For those men who are still trapped in the body of a 2nd grader please note self made coupon books are NO LONGER cute! You might think this is being creative and channeling your inner 9 year old making a stupid coupon book with rubbish like "good for one free massage" and stuff like that. Phuleez.......If a woman wanted a massage from a guy she wouldn't need a damn coupon book so grow up!
6) Don't be cheesy. Self depreciation works however!
One of the biggest things that women are attracted to men is vulnerability. While confidence is a huge turn on for women we also like men who have a vulnerable; self depreciating side. Its simple yet effective. Say you didn't find any other flower (because that year all men decided to be creative and buy anything but red roses) and turned up with a dozen red roses. Make a joke of it, say something along the lines of "I thought that this year, I'd be really, reeeally original and get you something no one else will get: roses!"...................She would find it really cute that you are in on the joke. I once had a guy give me flowers and (bless him) he tried to be this romantic Ken Barbie doll with his smooth moves and handed me the flowers with some cheesy stoned faced mills and boons line and I burst out laughing. Needless to say he though I was rude.
7) Don't build up expectations
If she thinks you have nothing planned and then wow her on the day with a special day planned it will be quite beneficial to the guy.......However don't make it obvious that you are planning something. One thing I've found with some people (men and women) if they plan something they get so excited they tend to drop little subtle hints here and there. I promise you it isn't romantic if the girl picks up on what you are doing. Men do this also before proposing to a girl. I will probably write a note in my next article on how men should propose (not the way just the time leading upto it).
Remember be an anti politician - under-promise, over-deliver
8) The card
How can I forget the card that comes with the flower and chocolates....................I once got flowers from a guy with a card attached to it. What most men fail to realize is that if you have been seeing the gal for a while there is a possibility that they do know every mundane detail about you and your life. Now the card to me had some lovey dovey message written on it. The only problem was it wasn't my guys hand writing. You instantly realize your card was filled out by some puffy middle aged dude that works at Hallmark. Guys - For crying out loud don't outsource your emotions to Hallmark. You don't have to be fancy or write a poem (some of us think poems are hilarious in any case). Just a couple of straight forward simple lines that have the virtue of being yours.
So guys try to stick to at least some of these guidelines and you can spend a nice cliche free valentines day.
Oh! One more thing. If you get her a box of chocolates, it cannot be in the shape of a heart, it shouldn't have a big picture of Cupid with an arrow, it should cost more than a buck-ninety-nine, and it can't be sold at an Exxon station.....
Have a happy V- Day!
So is valentines day a big cliche? If you ask me it can be.........It would depend on using the creative side of your brain to come up with ways for it not to be......
If you ask me it's the least romantic day of the year. It doubles the cost of every restaurant, it triples the cost of a dozen roses, it's checkmate. You can't win. If you ignore Valentine's Day, she'll be pissed, and if you show up with a bundle of chocolates and flowers, you're suddenly that dopey cheeseball we'd all (including her) secretly like to slap. So how do you thread the needle?
1) No red roses
Every time I receive red roses I think to myself "how original" (sense the sarcasm)...... If you are in the country you should make an effort to pick something really unique and different. Even if you aren't around the internet is so advanced you can always find ways to order online. There are bound to be flower boutiques that will do a variety of flowers on this special day. Let me give you an example of being creative. My sister once got a rose flower bouquet from her boyfriend at the time which had 10 roses. I can see you all roll your eyes but wait.......each rose was a different colour! Indeed! There were colours ranging from blue, orange, red, black, brown, colours that I have never seen before and each rose was different! He did not get this bouquet from one store, he had to literally go from store to store buying all colours he could find till he got 10 different colours. Needless to say his effort was highly appreciated. You do want to look like a hero with your girlfriend rather than look like to rocked into a flower store and scooped up the first red rose bouquet on your way to her place
2) No chocolates please!
While I do like chocolates its almost so boring when a guy hands you a box of chocolates with his red roses. Talk about the cliche of cliches! You can always give her chocolates on any other day of the year and you choose valentines day?? You can always try a chocolate souffle instead! Sounds weird but would be different and creative.
3) Taking her to a restaurant
One of the biggest faux pas committed by men on valentines day (or any other day for that matter) is not booking the restaurant/venue in advance. I have a friend who's (then) boyfriend left it to the last minute and no surprise there all places had been reserved days in advance. I think they ended up going to a Chucky cheese or something which automatically made him single again! See how that works?
A lot of male friends do complain to me about how valentines day is very sexist and how men are expected to plan everything. I promise you this not the case. If you have been in a long relationship you can always ask the girl to help you with arrangements, booking a restaurant or an even better thought is why don't you cook for her? There is no better way to show how much you care than to create a personalized meal all by yourself at your home. The advantage here is - you get to save on eating at an expensive restaurant and you get to improve the ambience to your tastes. If you don't like to do it indoors you can always cook and do a little picnic style mean outdoors. Obviously, don't just default to Bachelor Meal 101, pasta and marina. Get creative. Research recipes that incorporate her favorite ingredients. (Ask. In advance.) Challenge yourself. Show effort.
This would not only score you brownie points, you can avoid the whole "dating tourist" thing and feel like a schmuck for dining with a roomful of married couples who only go on "date night" once a year4) Don't ignore the day
I've had couples say to me "oh I don't believe in valentines day, its so over-rated"........Men for starters; you could feel its some kind of big cliche and ignore the day completely but all you've done is turned into a different kind of cliché. Even if lots of girls say that they hate Valentine's Day. Very few mean it. Maybe she will actually say, "Nah... it's no big deal, its actually to test if you would go ahead and do something anyways......so if you want to still carry on dating ignore her statement completely!
5) The gift
Now as I mentioned before a lack of specificity is the cliche of cliches - Chocolates, roses, hearts--these are cliché because they're overly generic, they speak to Every Girl, not your girl. Get her a gift, and think about something that speaks to her. Pretend, for a second, that it's not Valentine's Day but instead her birthday. What do you get her? Go with that, and then cupid-it-up with fancy wrapping paper and shit.
You cannot--cannot--just get her flowers and a box of chocolates. This will turn you into a cheeseball. If she is lactose intolerant, she will vomit and quite probably die. If your girl likes flowers use them to accentuate another gift. If you are stuck on ideas to what get her, why not get her tickets to something. Not necessarily tickets for something on Valentine's Day itself--again, overpriced, overcrowded, overflowing with gooey couples--but tickets for some night in the future. Its intimate and could be something for couples so both of you could go together - like a nice spa date, or VIP tickets to a concert that you know she has been dying to go to.
For those men who are still trapped in the body of a 2nd grader please note self made coupon books are NO LONGER cute! You might think this is being creative and channeling your inner 9 year old making a stupid coupon book with rubbish like "good for one free massage" and stuff like that. Phuleez.......If a woman wanted a massage from a guy she wouldn't need a damn coupon book so grow up!
6) Don't be cheesy. Self depreciation works however!
One of the biggest things that women are attracted to men is vulnerability. While confidence is a huge turn on for women we also like men who have a vulnerable; self depreciating side. Its simple yet effective. Say you didn't find any other flower (because that year all men decided to be creative and buy anything but red roses) and turned up with a dozen red roses. Make a joke of it, say something along the lines of "I thought that this year, I'd be really, reeeally original and get you something no one else will get: roses!"...................She would find it really cute that you are in on the joke. I once had a guy give me flowers and (bless him) he tried to be this romantic Ken Barbie doll with his smooth moves and handed me the flowers with some cheesy stoned faced mills and boons line and I burst out laughing. Needless to say he though I was rude.
7) Don't build up expectations
If she thinks you have nothing planned and then wow her on the day with a special day planned it will be quite beneficial to the guy.......However don't make it obvious that you are planning something. One thing I've found with some people (men and women) if they plan something they get so excited they tend to drop little subtle hints here and there. I promise you it isn't romantic if the girl picks up on what you are doing. Men do this also before proposing to a girl. I will probably write a note in my next article on how men should propose (not the way just the time leading upto it).
Remember be an anti politician - under-promise, over-deliver
8) The card
How can I forget the card that comes with the flower and chocolates....................I once got flowers from a guy with a card attached to it. What most men fail to realize is that if you have been seeing the gal for a while there is a possibility that they do know every mundane detail about you and your life. Now the card to me had some lovey dovey message written on it. The only problem was it wasn't my guys hand writing. You instantly realize your card was filled out by some puffy middle aged dude that works at Hallmark. Guys - For crying out loud don't outsource your emotions to Hallmark. You don't have to be fancy or write a poem (some of us think poems are hilarious in any case). Just a couple of straight forward simple lines that have the virtue of being yours.
So guys try to stick to at least some of these guidelines and you can spend a nice cliche free valentines day.
Oh! One more thing. If you get her a box of chocolates, it cannot be in the shape of a heart, it shouldn't have a big picture of Cupid with an arrow, it should cost more than a buck-ninety-nine, and it can't be sold at an Exxon station.....
Have a happy V- Day!
